How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone is simple to learn if you put your heart into it. All right, you want to hear something embarrassing? I thought I was in love, and the woman that I thought I was in love with ended up moving to the other side of the world with another guy and totally blocking me. Enter the sob story and little violin music here, but seriously, it was someone that I thought I was in love with, and they totally left in the worst way possible, and maybe you can relate to that.
Maybe there was someone you really liked who didn't work out for you. Perhaps you were dumped. Maybe you got dumped. Maybe someone divorced you. And what happens is that, whether we know it or not, we're unconsciously obsessing over it, which a lot of times is conscious. And this applies to people you want to date but have never been able to make it work. So I'm going to break down exactly how to stop obsessing and start letting go. Read more if this interests you, check my other blog How To STOP Chasing Love and Relationships.
How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone - Learn To Love Yourself
This is the best relationship advice I've ever come across, and it allowed me to completely let go of this relationship that I thought was so great, after a little bit of depression and such. But it opened the door for me to actually have the most incredible life ever and out of absolutely nowhere attract my wife, whom I wasn't looking for or trying to meet, and the relationship is 10 million times better than the one before, where the woman left and I had no idea.
I'm going to show you exactly how to do that in three quick and easy steps to stop obsessing, start letting go, and begin attracting what you really want into your life. Alright, step number one is to learn to love yourself. To begin, and this may sound cliche, I thought I understood that I read personal development books, and, you know, I thought that meant I understood what that meant, but the truth is that I didn't love myself. SO you see, How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone is simple to learn if you put your heart into it.
Trying To Make Something Work That Really Wasn't Meant To Work
I was trying to fill a void within myself in another relationship that wasn't right. I thought they were very attractive. I thought they were pretty dang cool, but there were certain red flags in the relationship that I totally ignored. The reason I totally ignored them was because I didn't want to be alone, I didn't totally love myself, and I didn't know what love was. Because of that, I became so involved in trying to make something work that really wasn't meant to work.
I became so attached to it that when she dumped me, blocked me, and left for another guy, I didn't even know what to do with myself. So what do I mean when I say I didn't love myself? I struggled to learn How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone. So first of all, I wasn't going to the gym anymore; my fitness was the worst it had been in my whole life; I was skinnier and weaker than I'd ever been in my whole life; I had less energy; and my finances weren't where I wanted them to be.
I Wish Something Was Different Than It Is
I was just paying rent for a few hundred bucks at a house with a bunch of roommates, and it always stressed me out. I didn't know what I wanted. I was unsure about how to accomplish my goals. My books weren't selling the way that I wanted them to. Nothing was really where I wanted it to be, and instead of dealing with it and facing it, I sought distraction and stimulation from a relationship that wasn't right for me.
So when the relationship finally fell apart, after I had been depressed for a few weeks, it finally hit me. I'm literally unhappy because I wish something was different than it is. I'm wishing someone else would change and take me back, date me, or love me. Maybe you can relate to that in some way, shape, or form. Maybe your story is different, but it follows a similar pattern.I
How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone - I Have To Build A Life That I Love
Then I finally just said, "This is so dumb; I don't need anybody to be happy; I don't even need to ever meet somebody; I don't need to date someone ever again to ever be happy; I have to build a life that I love." If I build a life that I love and I accomplish my financial goals and my career goals, I get in the best shape of my life, so I'm energized and confident that my life is going to be amazing and people are going to beg for it instead of me begging them.
So I said, "Who cares if I never meet somebody?" "I'm going to be happy." I want to ask you that same question: What do you need to do? For me, I started taking my health seriously again, getting in the gym every single day. I set clearly defined financial goals. I put them on my wall. I focused on them every single day, and instead of spending all my time trying to text this girl and get her to do this and think this way, How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone is simple to learn if you put your heart into it. I put all my time and energy into strategizing how to accomplish my career goals.
How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone - You Don't Need A Reason To Be Happy
I put all my time and energy into being happy and understanding where my weaknesses were, where my lack of confidence came from, and my deep insecurities. I concentrated on myself, on being happy, and on not needing anyone. One way to summarize this is that you don't need a reason to be happy. You don't, and you certainly don't need somebody else to make you happy.
In fact, the only way to truly be happy with someone is to be happy yourself first, and you won't be able to attract the ideal relationship into your life unless that happens; otherwise, you'll attract only the recyclable kind. The term "recyclable" relationship is one in which we try to fill a void within ourselves by pursuing someone else, getting someone else to like us, getting someone else to marry us, getting someone else to date us, or getting someone else to sleep with us, and we're spending all of our energy out there trying to fill the void, but the relationship isn't whole and complete as a result.
How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone - Stop Trying To Go On Dates
Eventually it spirals in some way, shape, or form. It becomes self-defeating and unhealthy. It blows up, something happens, and you know those people who have a new relationship every six months. These are recyclable relationships, and the problem with that is unless we go inward and say, "I'm going to build the most amazing life ever." I'm going to get inspired. "I'm going to find out who I am," because unless that happens, we can't meet a person like that and have the best relationship possible.
Step number two is to stop trying to go on dates. The only way to really let go is to try to stop finding somebody better than the last person, because that's what I did right away, and that's what happens if the relationship doesn't work out with somebody or you're on pause. How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone is simple to learn if you put your heart into it. Then we try a bunch of other relationships in the hopes of quickly finding one that is better.
It Takes Our Mind Off Of It
Unconsciously, it takes our mind off of it, and we get into this frenetic energy where we really need, really hope, and really wish, and we become desperate. The bible says, "To those who have more, even that which they have will be taken away from them," which means that your consciousness of having or not having something is given to those who have more, and it is taken away from those who don't have even that which they have.
Many people try so hard in the dating world because they are lacking in some way. I don't know if my soulmate is out there. I'm worried I'll always be alone. These are some of our deepest fears. We'll always be alone; we won't meet the right person; we aren't good enough; the right one isn't out there; maybe they won't love us. So we spend all of our time trying to fill that, and we bring that into the dates.
I Needed To Make Myself The Right Person
I found the way to break that fear because that was my deepest fear. "What if I never meet someone better?" or "What if I never meet the right person?" or "What if I'm always alone?" "What if I never really find out what true love is?" So normally, we try to fill that void by doing things. Going on dates, finding the right person, learning how to do this or that, or getting the next dating app Those things are all fine and well, but if we never conquer the inner fear of being alone, the fear of being unloved, or the fear of not finding the right person, then we bring that energy into every dating interaction or romantic relationship.
So my affirmation became, "Universe, you'll bring the perfect person at the perfect time into my life." Universe, you'll bring the perfect person at the perfect time into my life. So the way that I reframed it was that instead of trying to find the perfect date, I tried to become the best version of myself. I struggled and put a lot of effort in learning How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone. That's a never-ending goal, but I realized that instead of trying to get the right thing, I needed to make myself the right person.
How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone - You're Going To Wait For The Universe
So one of the ways to start letting go is to literally say to yourself that you're not even going to try; you're going to wait for the universe to bring the right person into your life. That doesn't mean you just sit around in your room all day by yourself; it means that you go out and you live your purpose; you go out and you find your goals. You go out and create a life that you enjoy and are proud of.
You focus on those things because, at the end of the day, you're born alone and you die alone. You're the most important person in your life, and when that becomes a priority, crazy things happen. How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone is simple to learn if you put your heart into it. For me, it came out of nowhere. After a while of spending this time on myself, I got in the best shape of my life, my career started taking off, and I got my first book published with Penguin Random House.
How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone - I'm Focusing On Myself
I was getting paid to write books. And I kind of forgot about dating at that point because then things started getting good, like it almost became a distraction. So my book agent called me, and my book agent said, "Hey Jake, my friend's going to be at this birthday party, and he's got a really pretty daughter, and I want you to meet her," and I said, "I'm not going to go meet her; I don't care; like you know, my last relationship didn't work out." I'm really not even thinking about it.
I'm just focusing on everything that's really good in my life. I'm focusing on myself. He was like, "Please just come out." It's my birthday. We're having a little party. Just come over and meet her," and I was like, "All right, fine." So I decided to go, and I didn't even think much about it. I'll just be nice and do my thing. I walked in the door and was standing there, and then she walked in, and my book agent pushed us next to each other.
The Universe Will Bring The Perfect Person To You
He said, "Oh, look, the only two 20-year-olds here," and that was how we met, and that was really a moment I'll never forget because, when I look back at it now, Ashley's now the mother of my beautiful baby daughter. We've been together now for many years. We're married now, and our lives have improved in every way. I didn't know a relationship could ever be this good. It's 10 million times better than anything I could have ever imagined, and it's quite frankly amazing because I didn't try to get it at all.
Literally, the universe will bring the perfect person to you once you can face those fears of being alone and redirect your energy towards creating the best version of yourself. So now, before we move on to step number three, I just want to repeat that affirmation: "Universe, you'll bring the perfect person at the perfect time into my life." The perfect person will come at the perfect time. So check out How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone so you can finally move on.
I Believe It's Two Whole People Living Their Purpose
When I did meet people, I took it slow, including with Ashley, and oftentimes when we get burned in a prior relationship, we quickly jump into the next one, and this becomes a habit that many of us do. Instead, Ashley and I didn't even define ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend for a year of hanging out, dating, or being together. It was very informal; we became friends, we became partners, we bounced ideas off one another, but I said, "Look, here are my goals; here's everything I'm working on; and I need to make sure that I give myself 100% in this life because I poured all my energy into my last relationship instead of into myself."
I realized that it also affected the relationship negatively because I wasn't full, and I don't believe that two halves make a whole; I believe it's two whole people living their purpose, focusing on their financial goals, and improving their health. When that becomes their primary motive and focus in life, and both people are doing it, they become trampolines to help one another, but the focus stays there.
The Perfect Person Will Meet Me There
What happens is that the relationship becomes very powerful in a lot of ways. First, there's a lot less bickering, jealousy, or fighting because most people are grounded in their truth, their purpose, and their happiness. Second of all, they realize they don't need life or the relationship to be anything other than what it is. Most people need the relationship to be more than it is, so they need to rush into it.
They want to marry and have children as soon as possible; they want everyone to know they're dating, so they post it on social media; they want to know everything the person is doing, so they don't talk to other people and the relationship doesn't end; and then jealousy sets in. When you let go and you're just like, "Hey, I'm a divine being, and the truth of everything is divine love, and I know that I love myself and I show up fully for myself in this life," I build the best life I possibly can, and no matter what my focus on building an epic life is, the perfect person will meet me there. So check out How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone so you can finally let go of the frustration.
The Perfect Person Is Out There
If this speaks to you, I want to remind you that you are loved. I want to remind you that you are worthy. I want to remind you that you are good enough. I want to remind you that the perfect person is out there, and you may think it's one person, but it might be somebody else. When you can take a breath and just let go, say, "Universe, I trust that the right person will come at the right time, and I'm only alive once; I've got to live with myself every single day." "I live in a marvelous universe, and I'm going to achieve as much of my potential as possible."
So if you haven't yet, check out my free success hypnosis at jakeshypnosis.com. I used a free success hypnosis I created before meeting Ashley to reprogram my subconscious mind. I listened to it every day. You have 65,000 thoughts in a day, and 95% of them are subconscious. So what I did was reprogram my subconscious mind for success, for my goals, for attracting everything that I wanted, for feeling confident and worthy of what I wanted, and the results were amazing. You just have to listen to it for a couple of minutes every day. It'll attract more money, your career will improve, you'll attract the right people, you'll feel worthy of divine love—all these things will start to happen in your life, and that's when real magic occurs.